Talking to Myself

Closed eyes reveals myself more than eyes wide open. Adnan Kakazai.


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Become nothing, and He’ll turn you into everything

What is becoming nothing? What is zero? What is its gravity? What is its effect on our daily life? What it leads to? What is living in a tranquility knowing that you are nothing, a small entity may be a millionth part of an atom. Mewlānā Jalal ad-Dīn Muhammad Rumi (1207 – 1273) said,

“Knock And He’ll open the door
Vanish, And He’ll make you shine like the sun
Fall, And He’ll raise you to the heavens
Become nothing, And He’ll turn you into everything.”

Can this stage attainable? Are we dependent on some happenings in life to be at this stage? Is this a natural stage or it is imposed on us? Do we by our wish can attain this stage? Or it comes like dynamism on us and hit us like anything? Or sometime we want to be in that stage but can’t? What is this becoming nothing?

I have no answer of all these questions. May be nobody has the answer of these questions or when one knows the answer of these question than at that particular time those answers just don’t matter at all. Everybody has to find the answer by own, nobody can teach you or show you the path to attain that stage.

There is a long journey to become nothing, there are hurdles, there are luxuries, there are people, who sometime will take you get close to your destination and sometime will take away from your destination provided that you have the final destination in your mind. You have to cross oceans, mountains, valleys, deserts, blazing sunshine’s and cold nights to be in that grove in which you can feel the nothing in you. You have to be friend with pain, helplessness to attain the stage of nothing. You have to pass the test of morality, self-esteem, self-consciousness, to stretch to that stage.

This journey will not be completed in a day or in a year; this is the whole life time of a person. Last but not the least, you have to kill yourself from the deep corners of the soul and then maybe you will have this feeling which is only a precious entity of your own existence.

Then life and time, plays with you, make you feel strong, make you feel week, make you enjoy and make you feel in agony. In this playing field of if’s and but’s there is only one path which is so slippery, so fragile, so thin, so unpredictable that it is very hard to be on that path, normally things and people push you away from that path and it is again you and only you who has to face the odds.

In the end it is the content of your innerself which matters most. It is what it is and it comes from nowhere and occupies your whole existence and suddenly you are in peace, a peace which you must have searched for ages, and if I say ages that it is the travel of our own souls which nobody knows for how long is searching for this tranquility, for a self within a self, a stage when no matter how much you are broken but you are in a state of peace, a phase of life when from nowhere you suddenly want to enjoy life, with nothing with you.

On the other hand, though the path is fragile etc., but the intensity of light on that path is not bearable to the bravest and the strongest, it is like that as one cannot see the sunshine even in a cloudy winter day. And blessed are those people who do get a slightest ray of that light, and after that, death and life is synonymous, you are living in this world but you know what is your final destination, your final goal, your final existence, importantly to note, that who accompany you on that journey for which I have no idea, no word’s to write or explain.

Everybody  is in the search of soul, your own existence, your own destiny, and may be an attached destiny of someone who is in real, is like you, your own self, like me and myself. Shams-ud-din Muhammad Hafiz (1320-1389) said,

Zero
Is where the Real Fun starts
There’s too much counting
Everywhere else!


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I wait for my time

I am a tree
Barren with no leaves
Weathered the cold winter
Snow, cold, hail
Encircled by thunder, clouds
Dark come more, than sun
Azure skies
Not embraced my existence
For quite sometime
Standing tall against all odds
I wait for my time

I know
Longing with spring

Will be over soon
Enabling my leaves
To bud
Allowing me
To blossom
Life and fruitfulness will
Born inside me again
Source of shade I will become
Birds will chant
Sitting on my branches
All the hardship
Of winter
Will end
Lively I
Will be again
I wait for my time


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LED (Light Emitting Diode)

Pic taken from Internet

Pic taken from Internet

Sometimes, I think that how technology plays with our emotions, with no connection what so ever, a simple technological invention can make our mood happy or sad. This is indeed very important if in this whole scenario a person is involved whom you love, adore as your companion, or who is an integral part of your life. I know I am not the first person to know this, many others have also have encountered this feeling but whatever it is, somehow and sometimes your all day mood depends on a single technological innovation apart from knowing the importance of technology.

I am observing this communication link between myself and technology for quite some time, but did not feel that I should write about it. May be I thought why should I write on this, it is a simple thing may be not that important but then in love everything is important and you feel like doing all the things together, sharing it together, from joys and sorrows, from happiness to helplessness. Or maybe as a quote says I am “too weird to live, too rare to die” resulting in absorbing love to that extent when absorption and adsorption become same. I do think there are lots of people like us in this world, but hidden, may be because of themselves, and most of the times for others.

As smart phones have one way or the other some kind of facility for the users. All BlackBerry (BB) users know that there is a light emitting diode (LED) on each set, to give you indication of your calls, messages or any alert if you have customized it.

A simple blink of LED can take you to heaven and at the same time throw you to the inner deep core of hell. Is it not strange, just a simple blink of LED can take you this far, can make you so special, can make you so happy, can make you so proud and at the same time can make you so sad that you think that you have lost the entire world?

There are days which are different from normal days and on those days if there is no contact with the beloved due to any reason than with every passing minute you keep watching the red LED and with whatever you doing your lifeline is that LED, which can give you a success out from nowhere and which can give you a failure out of everything.

On such days when the LED forgot to blink, one immediately thinks that the other will be busy or anything, so with a little cautious approach, give some time, ok, the other will be ok but must be busy. After some time this cautious approach changed to a worrying feeling, as the LED forgot to blink at all. Thus playing with emotions as such a small innovative invention is right in middle of the two and that taunting LED saying, “I will not blink and look at you what is happening to you.” You try your level best to make deal with LED, but that light just not in a position to accept feeling, worry, frustration and above all helplessness.

Time passed on and on, and still no blink. In this all usual routine of a day is also going through but with a sad, dim, depressed and a helpless approach. With each passing minute your morale also going down as LED somehow stopped to blink.

With time passing and when suddenly you see the blink it seems that your heart start beating again, just like you are on a life support with all machinery attached and suddenly there is a beep, a minute one. With anxiousness, fear, in a split second hands move towards BB as the LED light is inviting you to know what has happened in our own created world. Oh my GOD, that LED which was angry with me suddenly is my best friend, with every blink that LED is so happy like that blink is giving a life source, a lifeline, an opportunity, a confidence, a meaning to life.

Now that LED has a very strange connection, it is a source of happiness, encouragement, life, and at the same time, sadness, helplessness and sorrow. Only time can tell to what extent this emotional connection will remain and what it leads to. For rest of my life no matter what, some people are dependent on this blink of LED.


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Children of a lessor God?

Childhood is a period of life in which everybody either wants to remember all the things or want to forget all the things. But whatever it is, this time period is free of all the miseries and hardships of the life in most of the cases. Enjoyment for the very small things without knowing what is going around in the world is the best part and interestingly very few things are remembered as we grow, unless or until somebody told us or remind us.

Children of a lessor God?Pic taken by: Adnan Kakazai

Children of a lessor God?
Pic taken by: Adnan Kakazai

The children in the pictures are enjoying the present moment and they don’t have a clue what is going on in this world, war, famine, drought, inflation, terrorism, people without jobs and above all the busiest of life around us, either in actual or forced on us or self-imposed, at least these children have no idea. The smile on the face in this very old torn-up rickshaw, with hardly a proper seat to sit, and with hot temperature they only know is to enjoy this particular time in their own company. For them this is the best time of the day or a month in which they all are out of their homes. They even don’t know that in this drive they may be able to get something to eat or not but no matter what, the adaptability to the situation/environment cannot be compared with any other in this world even if they are the children of a lesser God.

How many of us want this satisfaction, happiness and relaxation, but as we cross the time of our lives these things start becoming a rarity and then a time comes when even if we want to relax, we can’t let ourselves do that. I just wonder that whenever such a time comes if it comes, maybe we then have something in us to enjoy the moment as seen in the picture above.


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Smile

Lips change their
Curve
Tongue feeling
The biting
And a Correlation
Emerges between
Lips
Teeth
Tongue
And
Eyes
At that time
I am not looking
On your lips for the
Smile
Or the
Hunger
I always look
Into your eyes
And there
I always find
My smile
And
My hunger
Which then
Take my
Breath away
It is then
The time
For a
Kiss


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I am your…

I reside inside you
Since your creation
I always keep myself
In your existence
As much as possible

I play with you
I observe you
I test you
I feel you

Sometimes
I let you

Loose
And sometime
I let you
Control
Yourself

But sometime
It is not in my powers
To control you
You become more
Stronger than me

You let me
Excrete out from you
And I leave
As an unfaithful friend
From your eyes
Making them
Shining

And wet

Yes
I am your
Tear


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And I will be with myself

Oh Sun
Give me your scorching heat
Burn me to the inner core of soul
Melt out all the impurities from my body
Bake me for the sweet taste of life
And then expose me to love
So that there will be nothing else
But love inside me
And I will be with myself

Oh Moon
Give me the sharpness of the crescent
And the grace of the your full revelation
Show me how to rise
And fall and rise again
Teach me how to be pronounced
Even behind the clouds
And then expose me to love
So that there will be nothing else
But love inside me
And I will be with myself

Oh Stars
Shine like diamonds on me
Encourage me to take journey in the
Dark nights of life
By becoming the beacon of desire and hope
Enable me to understand the mysteries
Of the galaxies in which you reside
And then expose me to love
So that there will be nothing else
But love inside me
And I will be with myself

Oh Water
Teach me how to be a flow
Rather than flow
Inject me with the power of
Fierceness and that of peacefulness
Guide me how to make path against all odds
Enable me to take control as you have
On your capability, adaptability and suppleness
And then expose me to love
So that there will be nothing else
But love inside me
And I will be with myself

Oh Earth
Guide me how to embrace
The four seasons, calamities and peace
Which you over the time
Witnessed and weathered
Let that adaptability
Creep inside me, hold me
Expose me and show me
How to live as you doing from ages
And then expose me to love
So that there will be nothing else
But love inside me
And I will be with myself


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Me alongwith Myself

When I am with myself, we share a unique connection, a kind of relationship not to be found anywhere or at least we think like this. A relationship which starts at the thinking level and goes to point when nothing is said and everything is understood without saying anything. We tend to talk through our eyes, feel each other through our breathing and share the feelings in our frame of reference, in our circle of life, in our own existence.

The poetic words of the wise people means life to us and when people see us, they see persons full of life, joy and there are so many things in this world to do with so much little time. An ordinary music’s with simple lyrics and a punch line becomes so enjoyable that we might be hearing it all the time, engraving it in our hearts, like written for our souls. It feels like to see movies again and again and each time there is a new discovery while watching it. Our eyes change color, get enlarged with spark, dilate to convey and we look at each other for as much time as possible without blinking of an eye, voice become sharper as well as with increased breadth a sense of ownership emerges while we keep looking at each other.

Sometime I and my self are no more talking with each other, no looking at each other, not saying anything at all, but even with a distance apart from each other we still talk with each other, sharing each second together, discussing all the things together, giving suggestions, in a way sharing the same life as we do when we are together.

In all this we do fight with each other either away or as close as breadth. We do start fighting each other in equal tone but with the passage of time one of us just stops talking like one wanted to listen what the other is saying and in end we do come to a conclusion which we might not imagined when we started fighting.

There comes also times when due to circumstance we tend to leave other for what the other is doing. There is no lacking of love but that love takes some silent seat in the heart, mind and soul, a feeling of nothing creeps in and living for others is what makes us think that there is no one like one owns self; it is always the others for whom you have to live for which you even have to sacrifice your own likings, your own wishes, your own dreams, your own desires. And when this situation arises than time become dormant, nothing is enjoyed. This is the stage when one feels that when we are apart how much love is in between us, it gives an indication of the depth of relationship which I share with myself. This detachment always tells me that I am no more, living without living, life without a life


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I miss you, I whisper in your ear

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I miss you, I whisper in your ear
With you not talking, I feel imperfect
Nothing seems to be working the way I like
At nights, loneliness surrounds me
Then I again whisper while I am lonely
That I am missing you, please come back to me

I know you are with me regardless of what happen
But sometime when quite a time is passed without seeing you
I feel void of life and energy
Again, I whisper you at that time, please come back to me
To gain my life back, my energy back
My sanctuary back, my life-line back

During the day if by any chance I see the mirror
I look into it to see my eyes, which are not mine
Eyes always say to me, whom you looking
The person who is already in you
Then I say to myself
Yes, she is in me but even then I miss her too much
I whisper again, are you inside me?
Give me your feeling, your presence inside me
You always reply, do you love me that much?
Do you miss me, how much you missed me?
And I always answer
Do you still want to know how much I love you, miss you?

But then after not seeing each other for a while
When we talk again, when we see each other again
From somewhere, somehow there is an eruption of energy inside
The breath suddenly become smooth and the heart beat gets normal
The irritation gone, the helplessness gone
As days pass, there is always a reminder
That this is not the end of missing
There are more days to come
But then the time which we spend together
Is what the time is
Is what the desire is
Is what the life is
Is what I always want