Talking to Myself

Closed eyes reveals myself more than eyes wide open. Adnan Kakazai.

It is the desire in the end…

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Fear is my best friend. We have a long relationship from ages. Anything I want to do in life, my best friend hedges into it and hold me. Show me the sincerity and the commitment, and always put me back in the shell in which it actually resides with me. I asked fear so many times that, sometime be unfaithful to me, let me have the fresh air of this world, let me loose for a moment so that I can see what is around me, what I am made of but same reply always, no, it is not for you, you belong to my shell and you are safest in it, though you don’t know this. Analyze your life, is there any major problems you had, no, you were always in my arms and I took care of you very well. So let’s not talk about this and be with me as a sincere friend and I will not let you lose for rest of your life.

This is a war which is going on constantly in a common battleground – life. Nevertheless, in past fear seems to be winning all the time, and taking a lot of energy, desire, venom for doing many things out. Now I think that maybe I have reached the equilibrium or the breakeven point in which a slight movement on either side of the center line can take you to glory or defeat. Fear is indeed a dreaded and a possessive friend, and no matter what you do in life, unless or until you don’t beat fear inside you, you can’t move an inch forward in your life; question is how to do it?

To beat fear out of your life, you need friends, support, and buoyancy. Here Hope jumps into the act like a misty picture in golden haze well outside the reach. But reachable, if quickly you can be friend with hope. This new friend which is now competing with the fear can be very tricky and can give you false signals. But already fed up with fear you want to take chances with this new friend. Hope brings a smile to your face which may be lacking for ages, gives your dry lips water and encouragement to go for it. One needs to be careful that may be this new friend will be even worse than your first enemy. Maybe, while walking with hope and beaming with cheerfulness all of a sudden you will dip from top to bottom in no time and then make a laughing scene for fear. If this happens the winner again is fear, which keeps reminding you not to leave the shell, but you did to breath and now you are even worse than breathing. There is always a persistent reminders from fear to come back, quashing the new born adventurism in you.

But, no, this is not on; you say to yourself once again, and try to stand once again, requesting hope not to leave and help you block journey back to fear. Now hope is your life support program, even a miniature peak on the monitor, there is a contentment that at least it is above the lifeless straight line on which fear resides.

Hope can have pity on you depending upon the circumstance and on a case to case basis situation. Hope can take you out of the jaws of fear, with difficulty as well as with ease, can give you the light which you want, can make your heart breath again, can make you live. While hope busy doing this a new friend jumps into the bandwagon. This new friend is always inside but may be hidden and suddenly you feel a Confidence in you to take the things head on. This new friend i.e. confidence is what makes hope strong and finally make you strong to take out fear and now it is two against one and you feel strong. Now Fear, fears of losing the battle in front of hope and confidence. But as they say, beware of your enemy and in this case, enemy is so resilient that it can smear you out from your new friends in no time if it gets a sniff that things can be moved. Life as a silent and an unfaithful observer watch all these things happening to you, and may be enjoying every single bit of it. Time as a ruthless companion adores such moments in which there is a battle going on starting from fear, and ending or still going with hope and confidence.

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In all this and taking count of life and time, giving you awful pictures, scenarios and situations, if by any chance can cope with fear, with the help of confidence and hope you now start visualizing about the life ahead. Now Dream is your next best friend and with hope it has a remarkable relationship, a strong bond, which in some cases cannot be broken. You feel like in air, beaming with confidence and hope, wrapped around with the arms of the dreams, start looking with mean eyes to your first and the utmost enemy, fear. Feeling of energy, passion, is everywhere and with hope and confidence on your side this new friend adds a new dimension to your whole life. Wiping fear with power is what makes you like you can do anything now. You become a day dreamer with eyes wide open, and want to progress.

Fear can haunt again, but as now it is one against the three and it is not considered as the biggest enemy. You want to crush the fear with proudness and an attitude, want to scream for a head on collision. Fear goes back to the shell with a determination that one day in concurring circumstances things will come back and then will ask where hope, confidence and dreams are.

As time pass, the three new friends are now strong against the lonely enemy – fear. But this enemy is not a coward or a loser. This lonely enemy is also busy in making allies with others so that to counter the efforts or the progress which you making in your life. That fear which is now besieged in the shell wakes up and presents a new war game, a new battle field allying with Reality. The power of these two new enemies is so strong that they can simply demolish any hope, confidence and dream in no time. It is indeed ruthless. Hardly breathing with looking at the stars and grabbing all of them at once, there is a new battle field in front. The game twist, the judges become biases, the weather become rough, the playing condition go against you and you find yourself again on the losing end. Now the first enemy and the second one, in an eye to eye contact, put you against the winds of time, presenting what you don’t want to know or hear.

In this rising and falling down, you tend to rise again, fight with your mind and heart, and make yourself available for the battle ground which you may not perceived to be like this. Again in all such things, time, life, and destiny do act as biased umpire and do not support you even with a small burst of fresh air. Though these umpires are never on your side always, it is you who have to be standing against these in order to make your way in this ruthless environment.

With the cat and mouse game on, a new friend jumps into your side of the war game and it is the Desire. Yes the desire to do things no matter what happen, the desire to get the victory from the skin of the teeth. The intensity of desire is what will decide in the end that the battle is won or lost. The new allied partnership of hope, confidence, dream and desire is now against the somehow equal force of fear and reality. Yes, depending on the intensity of the desire you can crush your enemies here and can put your name in the list of victorious persons who withstands the cruelties of fear and reality to make their own reality which was only perceived to be not possible at all.

In a nutshell, be a desirable person throughout your life, may be one day what you think is impossible, not achievable will be in front of you to hold, yes it can happen, you can beat the fear inside you and make your own reality of your passion, love and life. You say to yourself in end, I will live or will die, if I will live I will beat all with zest, otherwise it is worth dying rather than to live with fear and a reality inside you which is always in your own control and you can make your own reality of life.

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Author: Adnan Kakazai

A hobbyist photographer who likes to travel...

One thought on “It is the desire in the end…

  1. Pingback: MENTAL ATTITUDE | Self Improvement, Faith, & Confidence.

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