Talking to Myself

Closed eyes reveals myself more than eyes wide open. Adnan Kakazai.

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The spinning…

Image by Adnan Kakazai: An ice cube spinning in a mug)

(Image by Adnan Kakazai: An ice cube spinning in a mug)

The more closer you are to the nucleus the less is the spinning. The souls far away from the nucleus require energy to penetrate in the direction of the center. The direction can be away from the nucleus depending upon how perception play with the soul. Energy is either absorbed or emitted during the process and in the end it is our intuition which indicate to some blessed souls that now they reside in the nucleus. Finally the effect of centripetal and centrifugal force is neutralized.

The souls parting themselves away from the spinning will be standing away from the whirlpool but it is only time when the gravity of center start attracting in accordance with the pureness. All know naturally that to breathe fresh air is only in spinning and nothing else.

There should be only one worry for any pure soul in the end, how to remain in the nucleus forever.

Adnan Kakazai



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Meeting of souls…


I found myself

On a new road

A direction

More vivid and strong

A sun brightening the path

And trees comforting with cool shades

All the way

A clear sky

Glancing through the clouds

A feeling of spring

Colorful, inducing change

A breeze offering fresh fragrance

With each step

Greenery soothing eyes

And then

Mind flashed with a thought

Leaving me wonder

May be meeting of the souls

Is on the same


Photo credit: Gideon Chilton (


So, I leave it…

While reading
A book
With lots of words

A word
Very often
Can’t grasp
Through lines
In between
From one chapter
To another
No luck

Book has
Written in
Meticulous detail
Be able
To catch
The word

On lines, paragraphs, chapters
Paying full
To know
The meaning
The crux
Even if only
Can spell
But all in

With each
Line finishing
Paragraph completing
And more than
Half chapters
Getting to
Four letter
Holding it
Is only

I leave it
As it is

The word
The book
Till this


Do you know…

One day



You said
Do you know
For you

Gripped us
The moment
Eyes, heart, mind, soul
Breathing, seeing, bonding, absorbing

In time
I replied

Let me live

Let us live

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Emotional intensity is never born in lavish drawing rooms and expensive surroundings, it is always born in dust, heat, cold, poorness where people even don’t have the meal to eat for three times but those people are the most rich people of this world, the most sober and the most educated who knows that when dust, heat and smell amalgamate with the human emotional intensity what comes out of it, a pinnacle of one’s self, a crux of one’s life, a jewel never to be cut and a soul polished by such surroundings.

In such an atmosphere a lady awaits for the union with her beloved with same emotional intensity which she inherited from dust, heat, smell, the grazing cattle and the lush green felids. Preparing herself, she wants to be perfectly seen that when his eyes fall on her, both will break, with saying all things silently in eyes in front of all.

While on his way to her, he looks at her photo and a smile comes on his face, then saying to himself, how much I waited for this time. A special moment awaits for both of them which will then be converted into a constant and smooth life.

Entering home, as the door opens, greetings from all the family members but eyes searching and looking for her which he wants to see, for which he is living in this world, for which he waited for such a long time.

Sun is down, the night started but wait is still there, festivity all around, but wait, helplessness, eagerness, uneven breathing all can be felt inside him, not bothered about what is going on in the surrounding, keeping a smile on the face but reserving all for her, eyes acknowledging all but then she is still nowhere.

Suddenly there is life, there is breathing, there is calmness as she shows herself, giving signal why you are searching for me, I am always with you, you just have to feel me, his eyes like glued to see what he wants to see from the time which he even don’t know, the heart stop beating but then start beating in a shortest possible period of time which nobody in this world can ever know except both of them as one heart one mind and one soul are on display. Calmness, relaxation can be seen but then his eyes want her, the emotions can’t hold. In response, her eyes saying why you are so eager, I have already given myself to you, I am all yours, come and get me, the culmination of one want for other, the eagerness to be loved, touched, breath to breath, hand to hand, and soul to soul. After this only one voice comes out of her which only he can understand, yes, nothing can happen to him and nobody can take him from me, it is my ownership and my possessiveness on which our love is love.


Inspired by Baba Bulleh Shah Kalam, “Mera Piya Ghar Aya” ecstatically performed by Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan (

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It is the desire in the end…

Fear is my best friend. We have a long relationship from ages. Anything I want to do in life, my best friend hedges into it and hold me. Show me the sincerity and the commitment, and always put me back in the shell in which it actually resides with me. I asked fear so many times that, sometime be unfaithful to me, let me have the fresh air of this world, let me loose for a moment so that I can see what is around me, what I am made of but same reply always, no, it is not for you, you belong to my shell and you are safest in it, though you don’t know this. Analyze your life, is there any major problems you had, no, you were always in my arms and I took care of you very well. So let’s not talk about this and be with me as a sincere friend and I will not let you lose for rest of your life.

This is a war which is going on constantly in a common battleground – life. Nevertheless, in past fear seems to be winning all the time, and taking a lot of energy, desire, venom for doing many things out. Now I think that maybe I have reached the equilibrium or the breakeven point in which a slight movement on either side of the center line can take you to glory or defeat. Fear is indeed a dreaded and a possessive friend, and no matter what you do in life, unless or until you don’t beat fear inside you, you can’t move an inch forward in your life; question is how to do it?

To beat fear out of your life, you need friends, support, and buoyancy. Here Hope jumps into the act like a misty picture in golden haze well outside the reach. But reachable, if quickly you can be friend with hope. This new friend which is now competing with the fear can be very tricky and can give you false signals. But already fed up with fear you want to take chances with this new friend. Hope brings a smile to your face which may be lacking for ages, gives your dry lips water and encouragement to go for it. One needs to be careful that may be this new friend will be even worse than your first enemy. Maybe, while walking with hope and beaming with cheerfulness all of a sudden you will dip from top to bottom in no time and then make a laughing scene for fear. If this happens the winner again is fear, which keeps reminding you not to leave the shell, but you did to breath and now you are even worse than breathing. There is always a persistent reminders from fear to come back, quashing the new born adventurism in you.

But, no, this is not on; you say to yourself once again, and try to stand once again, requesting hope not to leave and help you block journey back to fear. Now hope is your life support program, even a miniature peak on the monitor, there is a contentment that at least it is above the lifeless straight line on which fear resides.

Hope can have pity on you depending upon the circumstance and on a case to case basis situation. Hope can take you out of the jaws of fear, with difficulty as well as with ease, can give you the light which you want, can make your heart breath again, can make you live. While hope busy doing this a new friend jumps into the bandwagon. This new friend is always inside but may be hidden and suddenly you feel a Confidence in you to take the things head on. This new friend i.e. confidence is what makes hope strong and finally make you strong to take out fear and now it is two against one and you feel strong. Now Fear, fears of losing the battle in front of hope and confidence. But as they say, beware of your enemy and in this case, enemy is so resilient that it can smear you out from your new friends in no time if it gets a sniff that things can be moved. Life as a silent and an unfaithful observer watch all these things happening to you, and may be enjoying every single bit of it. Time as a ruthless companion adores such moments in which there is a battle going on starting from fear, and ending or still going with hope and confidence.


In all this and taking count of life and time, giving you awful pictures, scenarios and situations, if by any chance can cope with fear, with the help of confidence and hope you now start visualizing about the life ahead. Now Dream is your next best friend and with hope it has a remarkable relationship, a strong bond, which in some cases cannot be broken. You feel like in air, beaming with confidence and hope, wrapped around with the arms of the dreams, start looking with mean eyes to your first and the utmost enemy, fear. Feeling of energy, passion, is everywhere and with hope and confidence on your side this new friend adds a new dimension to your whole life. Wiping fear with power is what makes you like you can do anything now. You become a day dreamer with eyes wide open, and want to progress.

Fear can haunt again, but as now it is one against the three and it is not considered as the biggest enemy. You want to crush the fear with proudness and an attitude, want to scream for a head on collision. Fear goes back to the shell with a determination that one day in concurring circumstances things will come back and then will ask where hope, confidence and dreams are.

As time pass, the three new friends are now strong against the lonely enemy – fear. But this enemy is not a coward or a loser. This lonely enemy is also busy in making allies with others so that to counter the efforts or the progress which you making in your life. That fear which is now besieged in the shell wakes up and presents a new war game, a new battle field allying with Reality. The power of these two new enemies is so strong that they can simply demolish any hope, confidence and dream in no time. It is indeed ruthless. Hardly breathing with looking at the stars and grabbing all of them at once, there is a new battle field in front. The game twist, the judges become biases, the weather become rough, the playing condition go against you and you find yourself again on the losing end. Now the first enemy and the second one, in an eye to eye contact, put you against the winds of time, presenting what you don’t want to know or hear.

In this rising and falling down, you tend to rise again, fight with your mind and heart, and make yourself available for the battle ground which you may not perceived to be like this. Again in all such things, time, life, and destiny do act as biased umpire and do not support you even with a small burst of fresh air. Though these umpires are never on your side always, it is you who have to be standing against these in order to make your way in this ruthless environment.

With the cat and mouse game on, a new friend jumps into your side of the war game and it is the Desire. Yes the desire to do things no matter what happen, the desire to get the victory from the skin of the teeth. The intensity of desire is what will decide in the end that the battle is won or lost. The new allied partnership of hope, confidence, dream and desire is now against the somehow equal force of fear and reality. Yes, depending on the intensity of the desire you can crush your enemies here and can put your name in the list of victorious persons who withstands the cruelties of fear and reality to make their own reality which was only perceived to be not possible at all.

In a nutshell, be a desirable person throughout your life, may be one day what you think is impossible, not achievable will be in front of you to hold, yes it can happen, you can beat the fear inside you and make your own reality of your passion, love and life. You say to yourself in end, I will live or will die, if I will live I will beat all with zest, otherwise it is worth dying rather than to live with fear and a reality inside you which is always in your own control and you can make your own reality of life.


Become nothing, and He’ll turn you into everything

What is becoming nothing? What is zero? What is its gravity? What is its effect on our daily life? What it leads to? What is living in a tranquility knowing that you are nothing, a small entity may be a millionth part of an atom. Mewlānā Jalal ad-Dīn Muhammad Rumi (1207 – 1273) said,

“Knock And He’ll open the door
Vanish, And He’ll make you shine like the sun
Fall, And He’ll raise you to the heavens
Become nothing, And He’ll turn you into everything.”

Can this stage attainable? Are we dependent on some happenings in life to be at this stage? Is this a natural stage or it is imposed on us? Do we by our wish can attain this stage? Or it comes like dynamism on us and hit us like anything? Or sometime we want to be in that stage but can’t? What is this becoming nothing?

I have no answer of all these questions. May be nobody has the answer of these questions or when one knows the answer of these question than at that particular time those answers just don’t matter at all. Everybody has to find the answer by own, nobody can teach you or show you the path to attain that stage.

There is a long journey to become nothing, there are hurdles, there are luxuries, there are people, who sometime will take you get close to your destination and sometime will take away from your destination provided that you have the final destination in your mind. You have to cross oceans, mountains, valleys, deserts, blazing sunshine’s and cold nights to be in that grove in which you can feel the nothing in you. You have to be friend with pain, helplessness to attain the stage of nothing. You have to pass the test of morality, self-esteem, self-consciousness, to stretch to that stage.

This journey will not be completed in a day or in a year; this is the whole life time of a person. Last but not the least, you have to kill yourself from the deep corners of the soul and then maybe you will have this feeling which is only a precious entity of your own existence.

Then life and time, plays with you, make you feel strong, make you feel week, make you enjoy and make you feel in agony. In this playing field of if’s and but’s there is only one path which is so slippery, so fragile, so thin, so unpredictable that it is very hard to be on that path, normally things and people push you away from that path and it is again you and only you who has to face the odds.

In the end it is the content of your innerself which matters most. It is what it is and it comes from nowhere and occupies your whole existence and suddenly you are in peace, a peace which you must have searched for ages, and if I say ages that it is the travel of our own souls which nobody knows for how long is searching for this tranquility, for a self within a self, a stage when no matter how much you are broken but you are in a state of peace, a phase of life when from nowhere you suddenly want to enjoy life, with nothing with you.

On the other hand, though the path is fragile etc., but the intensity of light on that path is not bearable to the bravest and the strongest, it is like that as one cannot see the sunshine even in a cloudy winter day. And blessed are those people who do get a slightest ray of that light, and after that, death and life is synonymous, you are living in this world but you know what is your final destination, your final goal, your final existence, importantly to note, that who accompany you on that journey for which I have no idea, no word’s to write or explain.

Everybody  is in the search of soul, your own existence, your own destiny, and may be an attached destiny of someone who is in real, is like you, your own self, like me and myself. Shams-ud-din Muhammad Hafiz (1320-1389) said,

Is where the Real Fun starts
There’s too much counting
Everywhere else!